Kindle Maladies, illnesses and disorders

Yesterday I came across this great post on Google Groups, its a list of Kindle disorders that Kindle owners tend to suffer from – enjoy;

A few days ago I detected a certain malady that some Kindle users may have experienced. I have come to learn that there are many more conditions, symptoms and maladies of which I believe my fellow Kindle users should be aware. The list is not exhaustive so please feel free to add any additional items as you may have experienced on your own.

Kindle Abandonment Syndrome: The feeling of concern when you cannot find a newly published or previously published book in Kindle format which results in you sending threatening letters to publishing houses or checking the “New on Kindle” site every ten minutes.

Kindle Anxiety Syndrome: Worrying that your Kindle will run out of charge before you can reach your home and your charging cord.

Kindle Separation Anxiety: This manifests symptoms which include trying to tap the next page button on a paperback or hardcover book, if you still read those!

Kindle Agoraphobia: The fear of traveling to a destination that goes not have Whispernet access, like a foreign country, a remote location, or a tunnel.

Kindle Envy Condition: This is when people post negative comments about the Kindle on forums without having ever owning one.

Kindle Curiosity Malady: This is when you spot another Kindle owner in public and you insist he or she show you what they have downloaded on their Kindle.

Kindle Braggadocio: This is when you give a ten minute demonstration of how your Kindle works when someone casually asks if that is a Kindle.

Kindle Confusion Malady: This is when you repeatedly lick your finger when you tap the next page button.

Kindle Hoarding Syndrome: This is a condition where you have downloaded 2000 books from every free e-book website you can find. It is particularly serious when you download the Russian versions of
Tolstoy’s books and you cannot read Russian.

Kindle Displacement Condition: This is a condition where you consider your Kindle a member of your family and purchase seven designer covers and extra SD cards but neglect to buy your family milk.

Kindle Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder: This is when you check the Velcro patch which secures your Kindle to its case every half hour to ensure it won’t slip out again. It can also manifest itself with the
purchase of multiple batteries and the constant checking of your Amazon Media Library.

Kindle Carpel Tunnel Syndrome: Intense pain in your thumbs from speed reading on your Kindle.

Kindle Obesity: This is the insistence that gaining weight is only due to the fact that with a belly you can now read your Kindle while lying prone.

Kindle Perplexity Disorder: This is when a patient insists that any reading matter he or she received must be in either asw, prc or pdf convertible format because “I don’t read anything that isn’t

Kindle Grammar Abuse: Using the word Kindle as anything other than a noun: such as is it Kindleable?; can you Kindlize that? Or I don’t do anything unKindled.

You may ask is there a cure for these maladies. I fear that no cure is available. My only hope that is when the Kindle becomes universally accepted like the IPod and the laptop computer, these maladies will be readily accepted by the population.

Some of these are hilarious and are especially true for me. Do you have any Kindle related disorders you would like to share?

Source: Google Groups

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